Couples In The Most Recent Cialis Commercial, Ranked.
Commercials for erectile dysfunction drugs can really only go one of two ways, because, as much as they’d like to, pharmaceutical companies can’t just come right out and say “DUDE, THIS IS FOR YOUR BONER.” The first option is innuendo: rockets blasting off, virile gray-haired men zipping footballs through the holes in tire swings, etc. The second is more subtle, and includes couples of a certain age doing normal couple things, with the implication being “Hey, you. You know how you do things with your wife? Well what if you, like, get horny while you’re doing them? Better have a boner pill handy.” These are my favorites.
The most recent Cialis commercial — which has technically been on TV for a few months but is in heavy rotation now that football is back — takes this second route. It features three couples: one playing a doubles tennis match, one building a bench together in their driveway, and one going for a peaceful boat ride in a lake. I will now rank these couple from worst to best.
3. Bench-Making Couple.
If I understand what this commercial is trying to say, and I think I do, the guy in Bench-Making Couple is taking Cialis because sometimes he and his wife get SUPER-TURNED-ON by woodworking (heh heh), and he doesn’t want to miss out on potential post- (or, I suppose, mid-) bench-making coitus right there in the driveway. “Hey, honey, I’m gonna run out and check the mail. Want to see if the new edition of the New Yorker is here y-… OH GODDAMMIT, Bob and Sharon and having sex in their driveway again.”
This is creepy and I do not like it. Also, they’ll get sawdust in all their sensitive places, and I can’t imagine that’s fun. Last place. F-
2. Boat-Rowing Couple.
I know what you’re up to, Boat-Rowing Couple. You’re going to try to have sex in that boat. Oh sure, you’re all “No no no, we’re just going out for a nice boat ride. It’s romantic, and the rowing is good cardio, which our doctor is always on us about now that we’re getting a little older,” but you can’t fool me. You’ve been out there long enough that the sun is starting to set by the end of the commercial, and you’re starting to get mighty cuddly and nuzzly, and I know for a fact that you planned it so the Cialis kicked in right as most people are heading back to shore.
To be honest, I like your moxie. Having sex in a tiny rowboat seems like a difficult enough task for the young and limber, so the bravado on display here alone is admirable. But I imagine it also requires quite an exertion of effort, and you’ve still got to row all the way back to shore when you’re done. (Or, God forbid, swim, if you get a little carried away and end up capsizing that vessel.) You could get stranded out there all night! And then what? YOU COULD DROWN.
You’re not as young as you used to be, Boat-Rowing Couple. It might be time to accept that.
1. Tennis Couple.
You know what I like about Tennis Couple? They are WINNERS. Just look at them: Mr. Tennis Couple, that silver-haired fox, out there playing doubles tennis with his wife, who not only still looks very good in a short tennis skirt, but also is a forehand-blasting ringer on the court. They’re probably club champions. In fact, I bet their friends won’t even play against them anymore because they’re tired of getting embarrassed. That couple they’re playing against in the commercial? Probably a pair of saps who just rolled into town looking for a friendly game of tennis, only to end up $10,000 in the hole to Tennis Couple. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. IT WAS ALL GOING SO WELL. WE WERE UP $500. THEN WHEN THEY ASKED TO RAISE THE STAKES, THEY JUST GOT SO … SO … GOOD .” Now Tennis Couple is off in some suite in a fancy hotel, just waiting for the Cialis to kick in so they can make sweet love on a pile of grifted $100s. I bet they don’t even need the money. They just like the rush.
“Couples In The Most Recent Cialis Commercial, Ranked”
I agree with the top youtube comment.
That made me laugh out loud, so much so that I didn’t even abbreviate that.
I’d just like someone to explain why the hell these couples always end up in two separate bathtubs holding hands at the end of the spot. I mean, you two just swapped geriatric genital juices, what, you can’t stand to stew in the same bath water?
I expected the second couple to end their trip to the lake in two separate boats touching oars.
So it’s come to this.
Well, SO FAR. You know it’s going to come to worse. Give it ten minutes.
The woman doing the woodworking is beautiful. I assume these guys are all super rich to get these woman to stay with them through their boner problems.
The only thing that comes to mind with the boat couple is the implication.
No ones talking about raping anyone here.
How they could all be improved:
#3: They build a sex swing in their garage (with the door up). The neighbors regularly walk by and give funny looks.
#2: She could sit in his lap while he rowed. Probably in a short skirt, eating a banana.
#1: Their opponents could both be girls in low-cut tops who occasionally spin, bend over, and wink playfully. What guy doesn’t want a 3-on-1?
By the way, excellent use of your (and my) afternoon.
Oh, and Will Farrel would be in #3. Or all three of them. Yeh, that.
Will Farrel in a boner pill commercial would give me a four hour erection, which TV tells me is a bad thing (I’m skeptical) so I hope they do not do that.
Bench making couple are redeemed by Clooney and his sex chair in Burn After Reading . Handy people care for one another. Someone gif me that.
All of these fictional couples must have only met a few weeks ago.
There is ZERO chance that these old married fuckers are still bumpin’ uglies.
I would very much like to get myself all up in the tennis player’s catguts.
Now that is how you tell a tennis/sex joke.
I am diggin’ the wife in the tennis skirt. 40-Love, allllright.
More like 69-Love amirite?
/does not understand tennis.
Side effects include facial deposits, dirty sheets, and unwanted children.
For boat-rowing couple, I’m going to assume his erection is also a flotation device? Because not wearing a life-jacket because it gets in the way of motorboating is not an excuse to ignore proper safety requirements.
All of them are much better than the Viagra guy who is stuck in a mud pit somewhere with his horse trailer.
But he’s EXPERIENCED he knows how to DO stuff like getting his truck un-stuck from the mud and fucking his wife.
What if that commercial is a back-handed appeal to the gay community, referencing Brokeback Mountain?
And the Pulitzer Prize for Media Criticism in 2013 goes to…Danger Guerrero!
Doing the Lord’s work since 2011…..
Yeah, for sure. Danger, you have changed the face of the internet for me. I hope you work at Uproxx forever or possibly get a job being amazing somewhere else after you’ve done everything you needed to do here.
None of these outrank the creepy plastic-looking Bob guy from the Extenze commercials a few years back. I’m thankful I had to look all of the details of this comment up other than his face looking like it was made of wax.
I still go for the ones from the previous commercial. But that tennis lady can turn my wheels.
DEAR LORD, MY HAIR IS GRAYING! I DRANK…FROM…THE…WROoong cup…
Speaking of sawdust in your junk, I learned something valuable last night. If you’re talking to a girl at a bar and the subject turns to having sex on the beach do not, I repeat DO NOT, start talking about how sand in your butthole will eventually turn into a pearl.
I’m guessing the author of this article is American. Why? It seems only in America are people so hung up about sex, despite spearheading the sexual revolution of the 1960’s. Back then, sex was celebrated as a natural expression of our vitality and if ED medications like Cialis were discovered then they would have been celebrated too, as an enhancement to the sexuality of one’s older years, not as as a snicker, snicker bad joke topic reflecting our infantile issues with sexuality in general, most prevalant in the USA it seems.
Can’t read your name without thinking PhilMcKracken.
snicker, snicker ‘MURICA!
I wish you change the couples on the commercials…can’t you find other actors..especially the ones who enter the photo booth, they are annoying….please please get new actors….